What To Do When You Don't Like Your Face
We've all been there. You're looking at your face, and thinking, "Boy, I'm sure sick of looking at THIS pile of hot garbage. It's old and tired. I'm so done with this stupid thing." ...Obviously, we're talking about the face of your vaping device. You knew that, right?
...Unless you're this guy. Then, yes, we're talking about YOUR face.
FYI, burlap sacks are pretty cheap, you hideous freak.
Vandy Vape has the solution for your horrible-looking face, though. They've released a series of faceplates and mod wraps to take your Pulse BF kit, and turn it into a flashy, spotlight-stealing masterpiece! Even if your Pulse BF isn't a busted-looking, janky-ass thing.
The faceplates for the Pulse BF kit look like they were ripped straight out of the '90's, with transparent plastic, in bright neon colors. They look like a pager I used to own. Take a look:
Fun Fact: "They look like a pager I used to own" is a very old-fashioned sentence.
For those of you who don't remember, (or weren't even born yet,) America in the 1990's was obsessed with clear plastic casings on things. It was like we all unanimously decided that we needed to see the guts of our technology, because we simply didn't trust what was going on in there anymore. We also wanted that window to be colorful, in some instances.
If you can't identify all of this technology from memory,
we're probably not friends.
Now, when it comes to these brightly colored faceplates, many of you may be thinking, "What if I don't want my Pulse BF kit to look like it was struck by radioactive lightning while drinking Kool-Aid?"
To that I say two things:
- That sounds like the greatest Kool-Aid Man origin story ever told, and
- Why wouldn't you want that?
But, to each their own, I suppose. For those of you looking for something a little more opaque, and a lot more wildly designed, Vandy Vape has you covered. They also have your device covered, with these ten, bad-ass mod wraps! They're re-stickable, so if you don't get it right on the first try, you can give it a few more goes.
It's like that great 90's movie Face/Off, where John Travolta and Nicolas Cage trade faces, and then try to kill each other a bunch. But, this is easier than some high-tech sci-fi surgical procedure. Also, there's probably less bloodshed and gunfire. (Unless you're putting these stickers on very improperly.)
Let's get a look at those mod wraps, huh? They have ten different designs, and look like they'd appeal to a fairly broad audience. Here's a promo image from Vandy Vape, pulled straight from their own website:
I'm only guessing that numbers six and seven are bad-ass;
the camouflage renders them practically invisible.
The image is a little hard to see, I'll admit, but I'll do my best to provide you with a few, slightly larger close-ups. BEHOLD!
The first three are different variations of reptile skin, which appeals to anyone who's ever informed someone that one knife is not a knife, but the other knife is. Or, for reptile enthusiasts in general. Are you an Australian crocodile hunter? A herpetologist? One of the internet's many secret lizard people secretly running the government? Then these skins might just be for you.
...The truth is out there.
Up next is something for those of you who are a little more artistically inclined. (We're lookin' at you, guy who photoshops the lizard people.) These next two skins are made to look like beautiful pieces of modern art:
You could, arguably, use this as an excuse to expound to your date about modern expressionism in current art trends. You could discuss Liu Xiaodong vs.
Cecily Brown, and compare or contrast their works in thoughtful, intellectual discourse.
...Alternately, you could just say, "Look at my cool sticker! Isn't it neat?"
Maybe you're looking for something that isn't quite as artful as it is tough-looking. Nothing looks tougher than camo, right? Well, Vandy Vape has the camo-lovers handled, too:
Nothing says "I served my country," like good ol' fashioned camouflage. It's the telltale symbol of the heroes of our nation, and is almost as salute-able as the flag itself. However, on the flip side, it's also a telltale symbol for rednecks, like your your alcoholic uncle who lives in a trailer on the edge of town and plays Call of Duty a lot. Y'know—the same uncle who claims he owns his confederate flag ironically.
For those of you who don't think camouflage, modern art, or snakeskin are tough or edgy enough, we have the greatest example of spooky edginess known to man: SKULL DECALS.
This thing hits all the right notes: skulls in vibrant colors, scratchy letters, and that aesthetic that screams "I drive a big rig, ride a motorcycle, or both, and I will straight-up punch you in the face if you insult my 'Haulin' Ass' tee shirt at a bar."
Or, maybe this is for those of you who like skull pictures, and can't wait for Halloween every year. Who can say? But if you're a truck-driving biker who punches faces and can't wait for Halloween, maybe pick one of these up for yourself.
Lastly, we have the tenth entry, which is, obviously a... dog? A fox? A... shaggy bobcat?
Well, whatever it is, it's a cool little critter, and it looks pleased as punch to be there. So, if you think he's cute, then maybe this is the wrap for you. All I know is that when I look at him, he seems to see right through me. Somehow, Dog Fox the Bobcat knows my secrets, and peers directly into my soul, and I'm not comfortable with that.
...But hey! For those of you with no skeletons in your closet, and a love of animals, he's a cute little guy, isn't he? Certainly cute enough to be wrapped around a Pulse BF kit without secret judgements, right? Of COURSE he is.
And that's it! If you're sick of looking at your face, (and I know we are,) then change things up with one of these awesome faceplates, or a mod wrap of your very own!
As for me, I'm calling it a 'wrap' on this article. There's been a lot more rednecks, lizard people, and soul-peering mystical creatures than originally intended. Plus, I just realized while writing this that there are legal adults who never even existed in the 1990's, so I need to go ugly cry on the floor of my bathroom for a little while.
Until next time, vapers!