The Story of Atomizer and Evod

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The Story of Atomizer and Evod

The Story of Atomizer and Evod

When I was a young man, my then-girlfriend made a startling confession: She thought men that smoked pipes were "sexy" and "turned me on". Well then! I immediately began to follow any young virgin  teenage male's prime directive (i.e., getting laid soon and repeatedly) and began smoking a pipe in earnest.

It worked handsomely, gotta admit. WITH HER. ONLY WITH HER. Thirty one years later, multiple girlfriends, a couple of wives…  No other women seemed to succumb to by billowing aromatic clouds of amor. My lungs, though-yeah, they were succumbing. Hacking coughs every morning and a generous supply of yellowish lung butter to accompany me throughout the day. Oh yes, my youthful libido had screwed me over right proper. Then again, teenage hormones have brought hardship and heartache to billions since the dawn of humanity, so at least I have company…

In 2013, I moved to the big city, and noticed there were vape stores everywhere. And no, there were no vape stores where I moved from (Bullfrog, Utah-yes, it is a real place). But not merely vape stores-convenience stores, shopping mall kiosks, swap meets, mailing centers and many more were all selling these new-fangled contraptions.

One day, whilst patronizing my local tobacconist and purchasing some pipeweed, I noticed that even he was selling these doohickeys. On an impulse, I purchased an Ego-inspired knockoff and started using it the next day. That was it. Never touched my pipe again (THAT didn't sound right…), or cigarettes or cigars. Within a week, the morning cough was gone. Within two weeks I had to start bringing my own lunch to work as my lungs no longer so generously provided me with snacks throughout the day.

A month later, I felt great. Not "go win a marathon great"-after all, vaping didn't make me get younger or shed my lard-ass, but overall health-wise? Big improvement. Four years later, I met a wonderful woman. Truly sweet, funny, kind, smart… and a smoker. It was her only downside. Kissing her was, to borrow the old saying, was like kissing an ashtray's anus. With a little encouragement, she tried vaping. As I type this, my wife is sitting next to me, five or six mods before her, and playing videogames. The woman of my dreams! We now have gotten her two sons to switch to vaping. In my daily job, I drive a city bus and have gotten 5 or 6 of my passengers to switch to vaping, usually with kits I have purchased from Eightvape. I have become a vaping evangelist:

"In the beginning, VGOD created ADAMIZER and EVOD and placed them within the garden of Ejuice, and it was good. But lo, the serpent BYGGTABACC did approach EVOD and spake to her: "EVOD,  you are plain and staid. Take thee the leaves of this poisonous plant, and dry them, and add thousands of chemicals, and roll the mixture into a paper sleeve, and smoke thereof, and behold: Thou shalt be cool". So EVOD did as instructed, and coughed and retched mightily, and was beset with the spins. ADAMIZER heard EVOD and was distressed, whereupon he rushed to her side. There saw he the smoldering  poison-stick she held, and was tempted. "Try this", EVOD rasped, "and be cool as unto me." And so he did. In the fullness of time, the combined morning hacking and loogie-chucking didst reach even unto VGOD's ears. "What of this, my children? Why do you harsh my mellow with your infernal expectorations?" And Adamizer and Evod didst raise their voices beseechingly: "VGOD, BYGGTABACC didst offer us eternal coolness, but behold: Our lungs have over-topped with yellow slime. Our breath is shallow and short. Our hair is brittle and dull. Our skin is wrinkled as if of ancient parchment. Our lips taste as of the dog's hindquarters. Behold: we are not cool. We are janky." VGOD was wrathful. "THOU SIMPLE MUSHHEADS. HAVE I NOT PLACED THEE WITHIN THE GARDEN OF EJUICE? SEEK YE THE MERCHANT OF FINE ELECTRONIC BOXES AND MECHANICAL CYLINDERS UPON THE WEB, WHICH IS WORLDWIDE. THE MERCHANT IS CALLED 'EIGHTVAPE', AND THESE ITEMS WILL MAKE IT POSSIBLE TO VAPORIZE AND ENJOY THE BOUNTY OF EJUICE AVAILABLE TO YOU." Then VGOD sent his son FIRELORD upon a pillar of Smok, and thence did he banish the serpent BYGGTABACC back to the corporate boardrooms of Gehenna. ADAMIZER and EVOD placed them the orders with EIGHTVAPE, whereupon the boxes and cylinders were delivered exceedingly fast and safe. Taking up their equipment, thence did they draw the ejuices into their leathery lungs. They had their lives back.

And behold: They were COOL."

Ok, I may not become THAT kind of vaping evangelist. Not yet, at any rate. But how has vaping changed my life? I already answered that, mostly. But, has it changed my future? You bet. I will live a longer, healthier life. So will my amazing wife, and her sons, and several of my bus passengers (and counting). And her sons' families will be better for it, and my passenger's families, and so on and on. The many ways, both great and small, that vaping will very positively impact ALL of us are uncountable. Don't take my word for it. Go read the other testimonials above and below mine.

For behold: They are COOL.


1 comment

  • Posted on by Bridget

    Wow! This is an amazing read. You had me laughing and relating to everything you said. Love the Atomizer and Evod story! I was telling myself at the very beginning of your testimony, this guy has to be a writer. And then here comes the short story 😉. Good job. You would definitely have my vote lol.

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