I Can See My Gand-Babies Grow Up
I Can See My Gand-Babies Grow Up
I have been smoking since I was in high school and have always been bothered by the smell of it, so were my daughters. My youngest daughter once said to me after seeing an anti-smoking commercial, "mommy I don’t want you to have a hole in your neck”
I never forgot that but continued to smoke. They watched my dad suffer and struggle to breathe and the treatments he had to do when we would come out for the summer. They tried to make light of it and played jump rope with his oxygen tubing or pretend to kink it off when they were playing with him.
Dad passed away in 2005 and we moved in with mom to help her adjust. She was not a smoker but ended up on oxygen anyway. She had heart problems in her family and during one of her open heart surgeries the doctor came out told me and my sisters, "if you smoke I advise you quit now and maybe what damage that may have happened to your heart can be undone."
Well I continued to smoke, and mom passed away in 2012. My oldest daughter looked me in the eyes and said, "mommy please promise me you will quit smoking." Well I made that promise to my daughters and due to one excuse after another, kept smoking.
When my oldest was in the military, she met a man and married.They started having children and I would go to [visit them in] Georgia and sneak out to smoke. I felt stupid going back in and washing my hands and spraying myself as if I didn’t smell and no one knew what I was doing. My daughter hated it but only said small comments now and again. As my first grand daughter got older she began watching and asking, "what’s that, grandma?" when I thought I was being slick and hiding my cigarette. She was so nosy about it and was straight on my heels anytime I would try and sneak outside.
My 3rd grand daughter was recently born and while in Georgia in the hospital for the birth, my son in law offered me his vape. I ended up only having 2 cigarettes in 3 days while in the hospital and was using his vape.
When we returned home I was getting my clothes out of my suitcase and the smell was horrible! I said to my daughter, "I washed this just before coming and I was disgusted with the smell of all my stuff." My daughter said to me, "mommy the packages you send smell like that too”
I send my grand babies packages on a regular basis and was mortified in hearing that the disgusting smell of cigarette smoke could be what my grand babies associate grandma with. A few days after getting home with the newborn and caring for the older two girls (4 and 2) my son in law kept persisting and pushing the vape and me getting one. I felt obligated due to his persistence and his time and effort doing research based on the information he was getting.
One night after work and getting the 2 older girls to bed and the newborn settled, he made time at 8 o’clock at night to make a trip to a vape shop. Me not knowing anything about them worked with the salesman at the shop and I got my first device. My daughter then a couple days later took time from her 3 children and took me to a shop for a different juice because I was still struggling with wanting to smoke.
Well I have since returned home and if I don’t hear anything else I at least get a text or call to see how it’s going and if I smoked and she tells me how very proud of me she is. It took me years to do but I have now kept my promise to my daughters and have now returned the favor and introduced vaping to my room mate and my best friend!
My heart and is at peace now with that promise instead of being guilt ridden and feeling horrible about not keeping it, until now!! It’s so nice not to have to spray perfume and wash my hands and eat a mint at work to before entering my patients rooms or just in general not having that awful smell on me and my belongings. It has done wonders on my esteem and the best part is I don’t have to be embarrassed around my children and grandchildren for being the only smoker in the family. I know they are more at ease with the fact that my heart is healthier and I’ll be around longer and can see my grand babies grow up.